'Compassion goes a long way'
Written by 'Elena', Recipient Parent of donated embryos
"After six years of trying to have a baby with my partner by all means possible, we had virtually given up on ever having the family we dreamed of. The process had left us emotionally, physically and financially drained, and at times tested the strength of our marriage. After a few years, even some of our friends and family wondered whether we should give up. Many times, we heard things like 'Relax and it will happen' or 'Why don't you just adopt?' (as if that process is simple or without issues either!). In the face of those kinds of comments, what was already a difficult situation felt even more isolating.
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When our doctor called one day and said that a couple who had successfully had a family via IVF at the clinic were willing to donate their remaining embryos to us, we were over the moon. We were also so, so scared. We knew it would be our last chance, our last try. During the entire process, we were convinced it wasn't going to work and that we'd be left heartbroken yet again. But to our absolute joy, the embryo implantation was successful and I gave birth to our little boy nine months later. He is now eight years old and we count our blessings every day that he came into our lives. Since he was four or five, we regularly talk about his origins and the importance of making contact with his biological family members some day. With his permission, we have put his DNA onto a few of the genealogy sites and are hopeful that he will connect with them before he is legally entitled to their information at eighteen.
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The main thing I would tell anyone involved in or supporting someone through the donor conception process is that compassion goes a long way. At the end of the day, we are creating families and that deserves love and support. But we must also have compassion for the children created by donor conception and the donors too, as their experiences and voices matter just as much as ours."
“An up-front counselling session was very helpful to enable us to think ahead to what might come [...] and how we might feel about a child not being genetically our own. It helped us realise that it didn't matter.”
- John