Ethics for Recipient Parents
Ethical considerations for parents from
the perspective of an adult DCP
By Laura Bridgens, founder of Donor Conceived UK
Donor-conceived people (DCP) may have unique perspectives and feelings about their origins, and it's important for recipient parents and gamete donors to be aware of the ethical considerations to ensure the best possible outcomes for DCP. Here are some key ethical considerations from the perspective of adult DCP:
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How people are taught to define family is key to understanding differing reactions. Cultural, societal, familial and personal paradigms colour our understanding of family. Whether we agree or not, expectations are subconsciously echoed in the stories we hear as children and the narratives we see being played out on our TV and movie screens. Donor conceived people often hear people say how important family is, while their own genetic connections tend to be minimised to fit with the narratives of others.
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For many, family is everything, for others ‘family’ are those who hurt us the most. Being forced to call someone family can also be traumatic. People create ambient families with people they love who they feel comfortable around. It all boils down to choice. Donor conceived people often lose the right to be able to make that choice for themselves. It’s all too common for those affected by donor conception practices to be offered platitudes which minimise feelings or interpret them in the context of their parents' infertility or desire to have a child.
UK law currently does not require a parent to disclose to their child that they are donor conceived, but it is widely understood and proved by research that children fared better when told they were donor conceived earlier. They should feel like they have ‘always known.’ Being honest from the start can help prevent feelings of betrayal or confusion in the child's later life. Access to information about their genetic heritage is important for DCP to form a complete sense of identity and understand their medical history. To deny a human being the right to know where they come from is harmful.
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Tips for ethical practice
Protect yourself and others
01
Choosing your team
Thoroughly research all professionals involved in the assisted conception process: donor/surrogate matching agencies, egg and sperm banks, fertility clinics and doctors, and legal services you may require. This is especially important if you are going abroad to receive or participate in fertility treatment.
02
Red flags to look out for
Lack of transparency about prices, processes, or qualifications; the quality and duration of pre-treatment counselling and aftercare; frequently changing clinic ownership or company names; high turnover of staff; and language that commodifies or dehumanises donors, surrogates or donor conceived people.
03
Known vs anonymous donation
Best practice is known donation. This could be either a person already known to you, or a person previously unknown to you who agrees to be your donor and maintain some level of contact with your child throughout their life. Increasingly, anonymous donation is being recognised as harmful to donor conceived people.
04
Connecting via DNA tests
As at-home DNA tests become increasingly common, it is worth considering the possibility that your child may match with genetic relatives via this method in the future, and to discuss this with them. Some families choose to perform DNA tests on their children at an early age, so that they can begin connecting with biological family members as soon as possible.
05
Early disclosure of origins
If you must use or have already used an anonymous donor, equip yourself with the education and tools to facilitate early disclosure to your donor conceived child. For guides and resources to help with this, click here.
06
Changes to the law
Laws are always changing and practices are constantly evolving within the assisted fertility industry. Stay informed of any changes that might affect your child’s ability to connect with their donor or surrogate, and consider how they might access genetic and health information now and in the future.
Surrogacy research
If you are using a surrogate to carry your child, particularly in a country that has a commercial surrogacy model, it is imperative that you do thorough due diligence on the agencies, clinics, lawyers and health care professionals involved.
Meeting and speaking
It is imperative that you privately speak to or meet potential surrogates before entering into any agreements. If a surrogate does not speak the same language as you, an independent interpreter should be present for these conversations.
Safeguarding surrogates
Understanding your surrogate’s family background, financial circumstances, health status (including emotional and mental well-being) and motivations for providing a surrogacy service is vital to ensure that her rights, health and well-being are safeguarded.
Communication is key
The relationship between a surrogate and the Intended Parents is one based on an immense amount of trust. Surrogacy agreements are not always legally binding, so be sure that all communications are clear and that your expectations are all aligned with one another.